Why nice guys finish last..

Women give in too much to the person they want to spend their lives with. They become control freaks, because they think that after transforming themselves to a guy's definition of perfection, the least they should be receiving is full commitment. The guy then gets trapped into a world of full time pms, and a truckload of questions and doubts.

We move too fast because we think that by the time we get all the issues aside, we can retire into a slow-moving life of happiness. But by the time we think we are actually achieving that, we realise we're alone because we managed to frighten off the people we want to be with.

And the cycle goes on, and on. And then we get sick and tired of compromising. And time is running out before we reach that premature menopause. The pressure of having a family, the pressure of walking down that aisle with a bouquet of roses, etc. Ah! But in that perfect ceremonial illusion, we realise there's no one waiting at the end of the aisle.

So the pressure of having a family dissolves, because it takes two to make a family. So the pressure of finding a certain someone who would never ever hurt us sinks in.

So we look up all the nice guys who never had a chance with us in the past.. and we fall into their arms and live up the fantasy of finally finding that other half who would make the perfect man of the house..

even when we don't love them..........

and that's why nice guys finish last.

Now my question is...

will you succumb to taking that easy way out knowing that your future will be stable even if its with someone you barely love (oh, and have passion-less, boring, sex the rest of your picture-perfect life),

OR,

risk everything for the one you want to be with, your exact opposite, the one who could drive you six feet under with all the arguments... the one who could just leave.. the one who could make you feel so unwanted at times....

but also the one who could make you feel like the most special person in the world, even if both of you were shovelling manure out of the craphole under the unforgiving summer?

twenty four candles, and twenty four things you should know about me

out of pure boredom, and out of the need to officially declare myself 24 (yes, i've been in denial for 2 weeks now), i decided i should note down the 24 things you would probably not know about me.

1) when i'm watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S one episode after the other, you know something's up, so, best to leave me be and let me cool off

2) don't ever start a conversation about sexual politics with me.

3) diet? never heard of it

4) you want an honest opinion? come to MAMA!

(this is getting exhausting)

5) i love acoustic music.. a great acoustic band, cool weather, pizza, great company.. thats all i need. one word.. TIMBRE. :)

6) i only eat ice cream in winter.

7) i have serious abandonment issues. panic attack, hyperventilating, all the crazy crap. but i will never succumb to Prozac because THAT IS WHAT CONFIRMS YOUR INSANITY.

8) i give the worst cold treatment. to the point i scare myself at times.

9) i am messy, and lazy, and not afraid to admit it.

10) i am very patient with major things. but i get ticked off over the smallest things.

11) i can survive on Maggi Assam Laksa or Maggi Curry as long as there's chilli padi in it.

12) the first song i fell in love with is "what's up" by four non blondes.

13) a butch grabbed my ass in moscow.

14) i talk in my sleep (bet you knew that already)

15) very rare, but i walk in my sleep too

16) i can't jog for nuts. i get dizzy, and breathless, then i light a cigarette and walk back home

17) ask me to cook if you lost the will to live and if you're looking for easy suicide

18) as a newborn, the nurses nicknamed me 'baby king kong'. go figure.

19) i don't need candlelight dinners, roses, jewellery. time is important, even if it means every night at a prata stall.. i don't mind.

20) i have an eeyore soft toy that i sleep with thats covered in my drool

21) i communicate better thru writing than thru talking, so maybe if you wanna argue about something, write me a letter.

22) if i don't talk to you, it doesn't mean i'm cold. i'm just enjoying the silence. so STOP pushing it and asking whats wrong.

23) i don't take out the contact lenses in my eyes. i wait till they drop off.

24) i now declare myself 24 yrs of age. urgh.

oh, anyway, happy halloween and happy humping. :)

new york after midnight

So I'm sitting here at 1.39am in the morning in new york, completely awake and completely on the wrong time zone. I just turned 24 a few days ago. Believe you me, it hasn't been good the minute the clock struck on my birth time. What's new right.

I don't know how its come down to where I am right now. An all time low for me. And I don't know why I even still have hope. I wish my stubborn self would just give up for the sake of sanity.

'When do you know when enough is enough?'
'Never.'

Why don't you just stab me and leave me to bleed?

Some of us were born with a heart that is actually able to feel for others, and common sense. Some of us weren't. Some of us feel that everything we do affect others in some way. Some of us don't see it that way, or even if we do, we don't care. The sad part is, the ones that were born without a heart seem to be enjoying life more than those who were.

Because those who feel, cares for those who don't.

"I used to make the light shine for you.. The sun has left my sky.. Velvet walls surround my sorrows.. I've sacrificed my pride!" Silverstein, 'Giving Up'.

Freudian Nightmare

Sigmund Freud said that we repress our impulses and hold back certain urges because we live in a civilized society. One way, though, to release these impulses and urges are through dreams.

I wish that wasn't exactly true though.

I have been having recurring dreams, the content of which is too disturbing to share. I can't see how it could be remotely related to my repressed impulses or urges. All i can say about it is that it surprises me as to how my unconsciousness can have such a tremendous level or morbidity. It does not frighten me when I wake, though. But the minute I manage to open my eyes, the heart pounds like its never pounded before, my fists are clenched, and the dream haunts me the rest of my conscious day, after which I would relive it again when I fall back to deep sleep.

And the worse part is not being able to talk about it because if I created it subconsciously and it haunts me to that extent, imagine the effect it would have on another party. So, stop raping my thoughts and just let me get through this.

dark, dark august

every hit you take leaves a scar thats visible to you and only you. for every hit that i've taken in the past 23 yrs, something in me changes. i don't like who i am today. i don't like the person i become every august. i don't like me.

therapeutic silence

its not easy to get signals to travel perfectly into someone else's head. even when things are said in the simplest manner, in the simplest words, it gets defined into something else, depending on the wavelength of the other party.

silence is easy.

but not when there's screaming in your head.

so today, i picked up the vacuum cleaner and shut out the screaming by the constant vacuum noise. at least i got something done in the meantime.

:)